Thursday, November 15, 2007

Is Gavin Juiced Up?

The Feds indicted Barry Bonds for perjury of justice for telling a grand jury he did not knowingly use performance-enhancing drugs.

Go directly to prison do not collect a Hall of Fame induction.

Barry should have learned how forgiving the public could be through Gavin Newsom’s apology.

Just nine months later, he's fresh out of rehab celebrating his 40th B-day with a runaway reelection victory... was it the mayor's teflon hair or;

Is Gavin juiced up?
BALCO’s conveniently located round the corner from City Hall and HGH (Human Growth Hormone) would explain Newsom’s Audacious Bounce Back from Behind the Muzak of Drinking, Cocaine episodes and Extra Extra-Marital Affairs - perhaps ‘Roid Rage!

Maybe future Proclamations should have an Asterisk?

More Barry Bonds:

Saturday, November 10, 2007


About Me. About Gavin. About-Face.

With Gavin Newsom newly re-elected by a landslide margin of 77%, I thought it responsible to re-write my About Page or if you will oblige me - an About-face Page.

I bought the (Gavin Newsom domain name over a few beers with a couple of buds – a sort of cyber squatting goof. Unfortunataly, both The Donald’s and gal-pal Rosie O’Donnell’s were taken, probably by each other – so, I bought Gavin’s.

There it sat dormant over a few more months… a few more beers with a couple more buds, until awakened by the City Hall Sex Scandal. At which time, I launched the following message:
Entertaining - Yes. Productive - No!

"I like boozing, schmoozing losers winning (and womanizing) as much as the next guy. But, when I’m not watching nighttime dramas, I’m busy watching my city’s homelessness and violence grow – two issues that Gavin campaigned upon and have steadily worsened since his ascendancy."

"Newsom’s ‘poor decisions’ affect us all. I’m not political and don’t claim to have any answers. I only know I don’t want to see Gavin win another election."
Ironically, I recognize Gavin’s short comings in within myself to the point I love and laugh more than most at his never-ending girls and gaffes. I’d say Brittanie Mountz is still my favorite... I can identify with Gavin's temporary insanity - She's got legs that go to go to heaven; I especially like her MySpace photo.

My “Soul Goal” is to advocate Clean, Safe Streets and I found some help over the Pirate Cat Radio airwaves and in The Chronicle, interviewed by the Smokin’ Hot Cecilia M. Vega, who somehow resists my metrosexual charm - for now!
Things were going swimmingly until it occured to me – if not Gavin, who?
I mean Gavin Sucks, but Chris Daly! With the help of Mirkarimi and Gonzalez, he proved it - putting together the biggest Regressives Convention since the Nixon Administration and the biggest salad-eating fiasco producing zero candidates.
With Gavin showing 78% approval ratings, they were wise to fold before they flopped!
But, Old Man Lumpy wasn’t finished – Not yet! If San Francisco's voters won’t listen, then he’ll just have to scare that pesky Gavin out of City Hall. So, he summoned the Ghost of McCarthy to huff, puff and bluff public humiliation announcements from Croneyism to Cocaine… save none could sink Gavin and the Gang.
Busted - Can't touch this teflon doo. What you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
Daly's which hunt bit him in the ass and bought him a tongue lashing and demotion in swift order - Bravo Peskin!

Stealing a scene from Michael Moore’s Flip-Flop, I followed with an About-face, realizing Gavin’s the only candidate with the necessary political clout within the City and more importantly the potential beyond to successfully clean up our streets today.

In other words, Gavin is just four years away from a bigger office far outside the City limits with a constituency infinitely more conservative. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for Same-Sex Marriages, but it doesn't ring with the same cache down South. Gavin’s capital here is essentially confederate money there.

If he’s to compete against credible candidates, he’ll have to tip this exchange rate in his favor with a compelling story that scales ala:
Rudy Giuliani’s 911 and crime fighting fetes – from bankrupt to boomtown!
Today’s “Services or Citation” program is veneer-thin. If Newsom wants to give it some teeth, he'll have put an end to the revolving door that exists violent inmates and drug addicts back onto out streets, then he needs to put his pearly whites and blue tie to work selling to the public, politicking private business and pressuring Old School Progressives within for a real, lasting institutional change and sustaining investment.
Remember, there’s no such thing as a bad crack addict, theif or rapist, just bad elected officials.
Quantify the cost of the status quo, ranging from Quality-of-Life to Life itself. Call it the “Price of Life” initiative and sell it against the cost of police, social services, etc!

This is no revelation to the Newsom camp. They they know what’s at stake in four years and need your help to do right now, right here – write him!

Mayor Gavin Newsom
4104 24th Street #766
San Francisco, CA 94114
Phone: 1(415) 351-0359

About You. About Time. About-Face!

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San Francisco Mayor: Losing Ability to Walk?

Relax. Gavin Newsom has a clean bill of health, but City doctors say San Francisco's sidewalks are terminal.

There's too many obstilces to hazard walking in the City.

Case in point, the Flor de Lys, a French restaurant located nearby hustling Union Square, erected two huge cement planters in front of the building to bookend a red carpet that rolls enormous fanfare from the doorstep to curb perpendicular to the many who walk as to greet the few who don't.

While this would be welcome in Bellaire, Scottsdale or Palm Springs, it's obsticle here. These walkways are our lifelines delivering art students, downtown professionals, tourist, shoppers to galleries, theatres, etc.

Since when did merchants like the Flor de Lys own the sidewalk? This is not beautifiation, this is dirty business. This is obstruction. We need some mayoral angioplasty to step up and unclog our thoroughfares of this fatty French cuisine. I mean, if a minivan turned sideways on a commuter lane we’d call the National Guard, right?
Imagine a tree planted in driveway of your suburban home?

Please take a stroll to 777 Sutter Street between Taylor and Jones. Stop and gawk at the beautiful bottleneck. If you can't take the risk, we understand. Close your eyes and give me space as I back up and replay the scene... I SAID, I NEED ROOM PEOPLE... back it up! Ahhhhh, that's it - Merci Bucu!

"Traffic is completely severed."

Low and outside... Grandpa’s Cadillac door swings open on your left from the curbside choppng at your knees. Centered in front of the building with grand prestige are the two palm trees funneling skyward from the middle of the sidewalk like an angry 500 lb nose guard daring all on comers. Add a valet stand on your right and Grandma waltzing her walker like a hit and run es-car-got - viola! You’ve got yourself one Rude, French Clusterfuck!

"Care for a plate of Frogger dodging moving cars as you detour around the sidewalk and double-parked gas-guzzlers?"
I called Gavin’s 311, which I applaud; and hopefully the wheels are in motion, but I'm tired of playing hall monitor. There’s got to be a budget and personnel designated to proactively police our sidewalks.

Every time I turn on my television, I’ve some washed up actor like David Schwimmer lecturing me about Clean Air and Green Living; yet, how can I get to the Market & Powell MUNI/BART mall, without having to slalom through the outstretched arms of homeless zombies plus the litany of signs, podiums, plants and tables littered around bus stops, mailboxes, newspaper stands, etc.

If these greedy merchants can’t exercise some common sense and restraint, then someone on Gavin’s team should. I know a homeless solution is expensive, but a Sidewalk Czar shoud be relatively cheap, eh?


  • Why does spend dough to create an eyesore with a huge sign the reads, Intercity Home, on the side of a building on the 100 Block of 6th Street? I see it everyday returning to the City from the 101 – stupid!

  • Why does the abandoned building across the street with all the furniture bolted to the exterior walls have graffiti paintings of huge nipples?

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Newsom Inspects Oil Spill

Gavin Newsom got his hands dirty today inspecting the 58,000 gallons of oil that spilled into the bay after a container ship rammed into the Bay Bridge. The mayor plans to take legal action against the responsible company or agency and is equally concerned over incorrect information from the Coast Guard about the extent of the spill.

Oil began leaking into the bay after the 65,131-ton Cosco Busan, an 810-foot-long container ship, crashed into the base of a tower of the Bay Bridge's western span in heavy fog at about 8:30 a.m. Wednesday.

Until 9 p.m. Wednesday, the Coast Guard said only 140 gallons had spilled from the vessel. Coast Guard officials said that estimate came from the ship's owners and that the Coast Guard only realized the spill was much greater after it conducted its own inspection of the bay.

"When you're off by 58,000 gallons that's a big gap. This is not acceptable. This wasn't in the margin of error."

The damage to city property is still being assessed, and local officials said they are working with federal and regional authorities on the cleanup.

"I'm not saying anyone lied. I'm saying there was wrong information. It all goes to intent. Was there intent to mislead? That needs to be assessed. There's a lot of finger pointing right now....I'm just concerned about mitigating the damage and cleaning it up and then holding those people responsible."

U.S. Coast Guard Capt. William Uberti has said the initial cleanup response was appropriate, but city officials said today that had they known the spill was 58,000 early on, they would have laid down more boom lines and responded to the event with more urgency.

Complete Article:

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Gavin Sucks Polls

Inspired by Mayor Gavin Newsom’s Election Day Landslide we decided to test the public too.

Uninspired by the incumbent Mayor’s opposition, San Francisco voters stayed home in record numbers to complete our surveys.

Click the links and Get Results.

Gavin Sucks Poll results:Vote for your favorite Gav Girl?

- Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsom?
- CSI Miami Actress Sofia Milos?
- 20-Year Old Brittanie Mountz?
- Actress Jennifer Siebel?
- Melrose Place Daphne Zuniga?
- Reality TV Star Erin Brodie?
- Cheating Ruby Rippey-Tourk?

- Socialite Paris Hilton or
Smokin' Hot Cecilia M. Vega 51%?

Gavin Sucks Poll: Should we dump Chris Daly?

  • Dump Daly
  • Another 4-Years

Gavin Sucks Poll: Agree with Gavin's 'Citation or Services' homeless program?

  • Yes, If they refuse shelter or housing, write a citation.
  • No, If they refuse shelter or housing, walk away.

Gavin Sucks Poll: Vote for your favorite Gav Gaffe?

Gavin Sucks Poll: Vote for your favorite Gav Theme Song?

  • Peter Bjorn and John – ‘Young Folks’ .mp3
  • The Rakes - ‘The World Was a Mess But His Hair Was Perfect’ .mp3
  • Franz Ferdinand – ‘Walk Away’ .mp3
  • Franz Ferdinand – ‘Cheating on You’ .mp3
  • Kaiser Chiefs – ‘Ruby’ .mp3
  • The Kooks – ‘Sofa Song’ .mp3
  • Spoon – ‘I Turn My Camera On’ .mp3
  • K.R.O. – ‘Strap On Your Pampers Diapers’ .mp3
  • Les Claypool – ‘Robot Chicken’ .mp3
  • Amy Winehouse – ‘Rehab’ .mp3
  • Fuck – ‘Diapers’ .mp3
  • Hayseed Dixie – ‘My Best friend’s Girl’ .mp3
  • 8-Bit – ‘Drunk’ .mp3
  • Hellogoodbye – ‘Homewrecker’ .mp3
  • Dee Dee Ramone – ‘Hop Around’ .mp3
  • Nous Non Plus – ‘One Night In Paris’ .mp3
  • Motorhead – ‘Jailbait’ .mp3
  • Minor Threat – ‘Betray’ .mp3
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Recommended Comic Strips courtesy of the dark mind and crude hand of SF Weekly columnist Matt Smith:

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Gavin Newsom Victory Party

Only 40% voter turnout. Guess everyone was at the Ferry Building Victory Party celebrating good times, come on!

"To my critics, this is an opportunity, and in some ways a reconciliation," I commit to working with you for the next four years, and I commit to resolving those areas where you still believe we can do better."

It's a celebration. Celebrate good times, come on!

Preliminarary Results:

  • Newsom - 75%

  • Hoogasian - 7%

  • Chang - 5%

Latest Election Day Results.

Breaking News:

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Recommended Comic Strips courtesy of the dark mind and crude hand of SF Weekly columnist Matt Smith:

Monday, November 5, 2007


The City's political analysts are predicting a record-low voter turnout in a mayoral election with incumbent Gavin Newsom running virtually unopposed for a second term.

This year, Left-wing critics like Superviser Chris Daly held a convention where they failed to nominate a challenger, so Newsom's challengers include a motley crew that includes a sex club owner, a homeless taxi driver and a nudist rights advocate, a clown, a video blogger and a chicken.

Newsom's job approval rating rose to 78% when San Francisco began performing gay marriages shortly after he took office and have hovered there since -even after he publicly admitted to a drinking problem and having an affair with a close aide's wife.

Despite the city's unflagging homelessness problem and a rising homicide rate, the mayor's poll numbers indicate San Franciscans are largely satisfied with the status quo, analysts said.

In the election's other marquee races, the Sheriff Sheriff Michael Hennessey also has no serious challengers, and District Attorney Kamala Harris is running unopposed. Out of 11 ballot propositions, only two competing measures to expand or restrict parking in the city have generated any passion.

Complete Article:

Video Credit: Vote Or Die by South Park

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Mentally Ill, Homeless Bad Signs Ahead

CW Nevius reports a female police officer was attacked by a mentally ill homeless man known as the "the Sign Guy," described as a disheveled, shirtless street person who had been camped out at the edge of Justin Herman Plaza for months.

"Rick," as he was known in the area, wrote oddball phrases on his bare chest and festooned the trees in front of the shops with cardboard placards with outlandish messages. Some of the signs were gibberish and some, like the message below make pedestrians nervous.

"No talking! Just give me money."

Onlookers said at first when the officer approached, the man appeared to be mellow and cooperative. But, without warning, when he reached down to get something from his bag, he came up swinging.

Police spokesman Sgt. Steve Mannina says:

"He struck her in the face. She fell, and he got on top of her and continued to strike her."

Luckily, a passer-by jumped in and pulled the man off. More police arrived and arrested Richard Jaworski, 44, who had an outstanding warrant for failure to appear in court. In fact, he'd recently been in jail for a six-month sentence after an incident in January. His crime that time? Punching a police officer.

While Old school Progressives would have you question our right to challenge the rights of the mentally ill street people, New School Liberals offer a solution – Laura’s Law.

Three years ago, Gov. Gray Davis signed landmark legislation to help ensure outpatient treatment for seriously mentally ill people who pose a danger to themselves or others.

Assembly Bill 1421 became known as "Laura's Law," after Laura Wilcox, a 19-year-old college student from Nevada County who was among three people shot to death on Jan. 10, 2001, by 41-year-old Scott Harlan Thorpe. He was suffering from delusional paranoia and was convinced the FBI was trying to poison his food. Thorpe had resisted his family's efforts to get him into treatment.

Wilcox, a sophomore at Haverford College, was working as a receptionist at Nevada City's public mental-health clinic during her Christmas break when Thorpe's paranoia turned homicidal. That tragedy helped prompt California legislators to finally take steps toward updating laws that had made it virtually impossible to force dangerously mental ill people into a structured outpatient treatment.

Regrettably, Laura's Law has not been given a fair chance to work.

One of the provisions of the bill, the subject of years of contention in the state Capitol, left it to the counties to see that the law was carried out. It also gave them a giant escape clause to avoid the issue in lean times: Under AB1421, a county must certify that it has not implemented Laura's Law at the expense of any voluntary mental-health services.

Not surprisingly, an overwhelming majority of counties have not been able to summon the money or political will to carry out the author's vision of a structured system to compel seriously mentally ill people -- after consultation with their families and medical professionals, and with court approval -- to take the medications their very condition may prevent them from knowing they need.

One notable exception is Los Angeles County, where a pilot program has helped steer patients -- many of them homeless -- into supervised outpatient treatment programs.

Asked why San Francisco has yet to act on Laura's Law, especially in view of the relation between untreated mental illness and homelessness, Mayor Gavin Newsom acknowledged that he "dropped the ball on that" amid fiscal stresses and other pressing matters. But Newsom added that it was "something I was committed to early on" and he vowed to make its implementation a City Hall priority.

Apparently, daily commuters from the ferry felt uneasy about having to walk through a gantlet of signs each morning and evening. Regulars in the area expressed an increasing anxiety over the last two weeks and a longtime tabletop jewelry salesman in the plaza Sign-Guy said the Sign Guy’s behavior was “getting really crazy."

Can anything be done?

Yes, Gavin Newsom needs to overcome the obvious "institutional resistance" challenge specific to San Francisco as well as Anytown's obsticle - money! He can start by challenging the politics-as-usual culture through educational campaigns targeting the public and cloakroom politicking private business.

Quantify the cost of the status quo, ranging from quality-of-life to life itself. Put a price tag on it and sell police, social services, etc!

The time to write your mayor is now. You want Clean, Safe sidewalks and he needs political equity that can scale over four years to win a bigger office far outside The City limits and infinitely more conservative.

In other words, Gavin's 78% approval ratings here are worthless there. Believe me, the exchange rate for "Same Sex Marriages' alone could leae him bankrupt.

Without a compelling story ala Rudy Giuliani’s 911 and crime fighting fetes, Newsom will be hard pressed to cash in as a Governor or Senator.

This is no revelation to the Newsom camp. They they know what’s at stake in four years and need your help right now, right here – write him!

Mayor Gavin Newsom
4104 24th Street #766
San Francisco, CA 94114
Phone: 1 (415) 351-0359

Complete Article:

Breaking News: Drug Dealers Not From the City by Examiner

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Chicken John Debates Newsom

Showman-Gone-Politician, Chicken John Rinaldi, returned to his roots, stage a mock debate with Gavin Newsom at Chet Poulet, entertaining questions regarding credibility, “artists cocaine connect” and “progress by the numbers” statistics… and “winning second place.”

Newsom invited the audiance to visit Gavin featuring an Accountability Matrix with over 200 election promises to the citizens of San Francisco.

"I am proud to say, 84% of these initiatives have been completed or ongoing or in the process of er… ah oh. Next question?"
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Sunday, November 4, 2007

Britney Spears Audacious Mayor

Gumshoe comic genius, Matt Smith, continues to attack our fair mayor with his latest betrayal portrayal announcing Gavin Newsom’s new public relations campaign called “audaciousness.”

Gavin likens himelf to pop diva Britney Spears, claiming his personal fiascos were strategic and ready to bounce back from behind the music, bigger, better and more audacious than ever!

“Yeah … She’s audacious. And, she’s gonna come back stronger than before. I’m audacious, and I’m gonna come back and be re-elected mayor. Every rock star has to hit rock bottom.”

Comic Strips:

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