Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Brother-In-Law Offers Chris Daly Career Advice

SF Gate is asking for your 2 Cents: What Career Advice would you give Chris Daly?

As of now, there are 222 comments. Of which, none are good for San Francisco Supervisor Chris Daly, especially the second observation posted by his bother-in-law Josh Low.
"Focus on policy, keep your head down, and quit playing the game of politics." - Chris Daly's Brother-in-law

Meantime, I hope Daly takes "Time Out" to consider the following career choices that I have carefully selected with his unique temperament and talent in mind:

1. Anger Management Therapist: Daly has more than a bad haircut in common with Adam Sandler's character. He's got a bad attitude too. Daly can follow his own psychological advice to manage his excessive anger. Some techniques for controlling anger are: Stop Talking, Stop Staring, or Leave the Room without Telling the Board to F-off. Healthy adults need to be able to hint or pretend “anger.” Competent teachers, law-enforcement and other City Supervisors are especially skilled to play “Good-Bad Cop” roles. In some City Halls courses in anger management may be mandated by a legal system.

2. Hazmat Diver: If Daly enjoys a splashdown in the Tenderloin, then scuba diving in hazardous waste could be his dream job. Hazmat divers risk their lives every day and literally jump head first into their work -- choosing to swim in a vat of hazardous materials like pig feces, an oil spill or a sewer.

3. Forensic Entomologist: As a result of the success "Gav Girl" Sofia Milos televison series "CSI," the forensics field has undergone a dramatic overhaul in the eyes of the public. But don't be fooled, forensic entomology is not for the faint of heart, the squeamish, nor the insectophobic. These scientists spend their days basking in the florescent light of the city or county morgue analyzing bugs on decaying corpses. They check maggots, larvae, blowflies and anything that breeds off of decaying human flesh in order to determine the "postmortem interval," or the gap between the time of death and time of the body's discovery.

4. Elephant Vasectomist: A perfect career path for "No Balls" Daly to cut loose. The procedure for removing testicles itself is simple enough. But, before going under the knife, one must first track, sedate and hoist the pachyderm four feet off the ground with a crane.
“They have to remove the testicles, which involves going through muscle and fat, and then removing these really large organs before the elephant can wake up, get angry, and take it out on anyone around them. So, it requires bravery, speed, precision, and a lot of humility.” - Jake Ward, Popular Science

5. Garbologist: As its name suggests, is the archaeological and anthropological study of garbage. This job involves going to landfills, digging out a deep well into the piles of refuse, and then analyzing it. Maybe Daly can help Gavin Newsom conduct his litter audit?

6. Coursework Carcass Preparer: Picture a ninth grade biology class, and it's frog dissection day. Odds are you can still smell the formaldehyde. Now imagine Chris Daly enhaling those fumes instead of bong hits. Rather than killing and picklin Gavin's proposals, Daly can start bottling frogs, fetal pigs, cats, pigeons and even sharks.

7. Gravity Research Subject: One of the first things every kid learns at camp is sleeping overnight with your head downhill leads to one major headache. Now imagine our biggest headache getting paid to spend weeks lying perfectly still at a negative 6 degree angle. Ouch, I feel better!

That's what researchers at NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston are asking test subjects like Daly to do, as a way of simulating the effects of weightlessness on already lumpy human body.
"As the blood rushes to their heads, over the course of that time, they get the puffy face, the shifted organs, all the symptoms of weightlessness which allows these researches to find out more about it. Not only are they stuck in that position, they are subjected to a centrifugal test … every day they are spun around to get blood down to their feet and get the effects of heavy G [forces]."

8. Microsoft Security Grunt: These are the people behind the Microsoft Security Response Center, who sift through the approximately 100,000 e-mails a year sent to secure@microsoft.com. These techies ward off hackers like Daly scares away voters. They repair kinks in Windows, Internet Explorer and Office, and, generally, protect the Microsoft from its many foes.
"To the millions of hacker's around the world, Microsoft is like the Death Star in 'Star Wars' and they see themselves as the rebel force. So they'll do anything to exploit security loopholes, get in there and worm something in there, so these guys are under assault all the time."

9. Olympic Drug Tester: Daly loves controversy. As a Professional athletics drug tester, he would constantly find himself in his favorite tough position - bent over a sticky situation. If Daly busts an athlete, he would ruin their career and up-end their countries' prospects for gold, but, if he doesn't nail them and he's not doing his job properly and he gets nailed in the media. It's just the kind of lose-lose situation Dly can thrive. Aside from constantly being a tattle-tale, Daly gets to work with the sweet smell of amonia just like his walk to work today -joy!

10. Whale-Feces Researcher: Talk about a job that "stinks." With help from a few well-trained sniffer dogs like the cocaine canines unleashed on Newsom, researchers like Daly track elusive whales and scoop up their excrement in order to bring it back to the lab and run tests on it - more joy!

Complete Article: Danger, Research and a Paycheck by Rebecca Lee ABC News

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